Grace Under Pressure: A Calmer Way to Do the Holidays
Grace Under Pressure: A Calmer Way to Do the Holidays
You might think that I’m throwing ‘the Holidays talk’ at you a little early, but I’m not. The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. But for many of us, they also come with a quiet (or not-so-quiet) undercurrent of tension: the long to-do lists, the emotional landmines, the family dynamics that haven’t changed much since last Christmas. Between wanting everything to be perfect and trying to keep everyone happy, it’s easy to forget that peace and presence deserve a spot on the list too.
Just as we prepare the food, wrap the gifts, and plan the gatherings, we also need to prepare our mental and emotional space. Without that inner preparation, even the slightest bump, like a comment at the dinner table, a last-minute change, or a moment of loneliness, can send us spinning.
One of the most powerful things you can do this season is to give yourself permission to pause before the holiday whirlwind begins. That pause can take many forms: five quiet minutes with a cup of tea, a short walk to clear your head, or simply a moment to take a slow, steady breath. As I share in The Frustration-Free Communicator, that single breath can be the difference between reacting and responding — between getting caught in conflict and choosing calm.
1. Check your expectations
We often carry invisible expectations into the holidays. We want everyone to get along, for everything to run smoothly, and for everyone to finally feel the “magic.” But perfection is a story we tell ourselves that rarely matches reality. When you release those expectations, you make space for something more real: connection, humour, and small, imperfect moments of joy.
2. Notice your inner dialogue
Before a difficult family conversation or a stressful day, check in with the voice inside your head. Is it kind or critical? Supportive or sceptical? Your inner dialogue sets the tone for how you show up. In the Anxiety Breakthrough Blueprint, I guide people through reframing those anxious, self-doubting thoughts into grounded, compassionate ones. Try telling yourself, “I can handle this,” or “I don’t need to fix everything, I can just be present.” You’ll be surprised how much calmer and clearer your outer communication becomes.
3. Create your personal “calm plan”
Preparation helps. Just as you’d plan a meal or pack for a trip, plan for calm. Think about what situations tend to trigger stress for you. Is it maybe rushing to get everything done, navigating certain family dynamics, or managing fatigue? Decide ahead of time how you’ll respond: a breathing pause, a brief step outside, or an honest “I need a moment.” The more you rehearse calm, the easier it becomes to access it when it matters most.
4. Communicate with clarity and compassion
Tension often rises when emotions do. Try to listen a little longer before responding. If frustration bubbles up, remember the ABC from The Frustration-Free Communicator:
Accept the feeling.
Breathe before reacting.
Check reality: Is this about now, or about something deeper?
These three small steps can turn potential drama into understanding.
5. Anchor yourself in what matters
The holiday season passes quickly, but the memories we carry come from how we felt, not how perfect things looked. Instead of chasing the flawless dinner or the ideal reaction from others, focus on how you want to feel: peaceful, connected, grounded. That becomes your true north when things get busy.
Remember that responding in a calm way only works if you know what calm FEELS like. It is not something that you can pull out of a hat like a magic trick in a stressful moment when you need it most. This season, put your inner well-being on the same list as your holiday shopping. Your calm is the gift that keeps everything else together.
